Target: Dora

You know how some days - you just get frustrated - pick a trigger, any trigger - and from that point of frustration ON - oh -heaven help the person standing between you and peace.

Okay - so today - it's Dora. Yep, Dora the Explorah - Lets just bring that Spanglish speaking minor child to the forefront for a moment.

First of all - lets hit the obvious. She's an illegal alien. Facts that support this idea are as follows:

1) She is NEVER supervised. This tells us that her poppy is standing at the corner near Home Depot - right next to the sign that says "no loitering" and "Do not pick up day workers" and her mother is standing in line at the Department of Economic Security. Abuella is sitting at their house watching Mexican soap operas mumbling under her breath to no one in particular about how when she was in Mexico, they couldn't just go to the store with stamps and get free tortilla's they had to actually MAKE them.

2) Dora is obese - boarder lining morbidly obese - why would I say that illegal aliens are obese...here's why....Her mother filled out the the Department of Economic Security application and instead of saying there were 3 people in the house, she claimed all 14, aunts, uncles, cousins, nieces, nephews and parents (and even a few neighborhood kids that have come over to play - including Diego)...but since most of those people have already filled out the forms to get their own food stamps and claimed the same 14 people that Dora's mom claimed - they are being fed 14 times the amount of a normal household, thus causing the offspring and others in the household to over eat - since - well, who knows where their next meal is coming from, right?

3) Household pets? What's that...You won't see an American citizen climbing trees with a rabid monkey or being escorted around the country side in a car driven by an unlicensed illegal heifer who doesn't speak English and needs Dora's help to determine weather or not they should jump over the log rolling down the hill toward them or if he should just stay where he is and let it damage his vehicle, go to the hospital for free medical attention for swollen teets that were hit by the log, and talking with an attorney plotting a civil rights law suit since there were no signs posted about rolling logs. - my point - he's not bright enough to be driving - he doesn't understand English and furthermore, they don't understand a car just can't JUMP over a log. (side note: the word "Jump" when you re in a car driven by a Mexican foreign national just means "push the hydraulic button") Not only that, if the heifer's car wasn't chopped and lowered to the ground, the logs would just roll under her vehicle - saving tax payers thousands of dollars. Lowering vehicles should be illegal.

4) The monkey wears boots...why? Cause the salvation army was handing them out during a hospitality clothing drive - and well, what would a Mexican do with actual shoes? Lets give it to our rabid pet monkey and the mariachi band of crickets and cockroaches...Mexicans don't need shoes, they grew up without shoes - their feet have become somewhat leather-fied - and besides that - they have my carpet to clean their feet off on...what is the purpose of shoes except to keep from being kicked out of McDonalds "no shirt, no shoes, no service" who enforces that anyway?

5) She's got everything she'll ever need in one backpack - which conveniently changes items depending on what she needs. We never see how those items get in there - only that they're there if she feels like she needs them. We never see "Stephanie" at school crying because now her favorite pair of gloves are missing. No, only that Dora has the gloves all of the sudden - magically, when her hands get cold. Right, the backpack, lets call him "Chico" takes care of his little Dora. Not only that - but she needs help deciding which item will keep her hands warm, so she has to ask Chico - is it the hubcap? NO. Is it the Big Screen TV? NO. Is it the Wii system with the same package that James got for Christmas? No. Look, try the gloves. They "match" Stephanie's gloves. Stephanie will never think you took it - since she's in school - and never sees you - since - you're HOME SCHOOLED BY A RABID MONKEY.

6) Swiper the Fox represents little Stephanie's dad. (Notice he doesn't have any shoes) He just wants to get a job - and can't - because well, he follows the rules & doesn't loiter by the Home Depot - and he's just trying to take back little Stephanie's gloves - because well, since the frostbite/amputation of 2006 (blame it on global warming), she's only got 3 fingers on her right hand, and if she doesn't cover them up on a cold day - she'll lose the others and then how will she write her research essay on America the Beautiful? Swiper has tried to get into the Salvation Army's hospitality tent, but since they started speaking spanish only, for their "customers" they sometimes misdirect him to the wrong line - where he ends up arrested for loitering...

Stay tuned for tomorrow - when I talk about the oppressed housewife & how they relate to "Wonder Pets"