A fresh start: Sort of...

I'm just checking in for a bit - looks like I have to update some photos there to the right...

Okay - Ross is gone on his mission. I started a blog for him here if you'd like to check on his adventures. Here's a picture of us - my dress is so flowy, I look like I weigh 200 pounds the way I'm leaning over!  So annoying how a dress can add five pounds like that!

I have a lot of things I have to get done, but I wanted to show the sassy poser chick. Funny baby girl! She was just sitting there watching TV, then she saw the camera and had to pose while she was sitting and watching TV. Personality  much? I think so.

I have to clean my closet.


But LOOK!  I got a puppy to replace the first born...with him gone, I'll only have 5 minnions to rule over - so I had to get 6 - BALANCE RESTORED!

So many things to get done in a day - or a week - or a month or a year...

I have to do the laundry.

I also have to do the dishes.

I also have to - hmmm, check my email and see if there's anything from my baby boy at the MTC.

Flight to Boise

After cleaning out the car & making arrangements for mom at the local funeral home, everything was pretty much done that needed to be done in Vegas, Pete & Vince were trying to get Dad and me back to Boise.  Dad was content to go back to Phoenix for a few days then onto Boise.  I think he was afraid to go home without mom.  Not that anyone would blame or be angry, it's just a tough thing to have to face.

Ross dropped us off at the airport.  We were on the last flight to Boise.  We hadn't eaten yet that day - so Dad & I split a two piece chicken tender from Church's chicken in the airport.  It was $8. For two pieces of airport chicken. Nasty.  Not that either of us were hungry, we just ate for strength.

We go on the plane.  The flight was relatively full, we were sitting toward the very back of the plane - we checked the 4 bags that they would let us (stuff from the car) and carried on mom's pillows.  We sat isle & window leaving the pillows between us...so no one would be tempted to sit there.  No one did.  Thankfully.

After the plane took off, I layed across on my dad's lap.   He put his hand on my shoulder.  I cried silently.  I'm sure he did, too.  I needed a tissue.  I was starting to snot up the pillows.  I didn't want to wash away her smell.  So I got up to go to the lavatory in the back.  After dad let me pass, and I saw him sit back down - I could no longer hold it in.  I ran back and locked myself in the restroom where I spent the next few minutes convulsively crying.

I gathered myself enough to go back to sit with Dad and rest a bit.

We were the last ones off the airplane.  We had agreed to meet my siblings at the curb so as not to make a big deal at the baggage claim - and to give me & Dad a few minutes to get ready to face everyone else.

Of course, they didn't stick to the plan.  As we walked out passed the security - I could see Ammon standing as close as he could to the glass doors at the end of our corridor.  I tried to hold it in; to be strong for him, as the tears came to my eyes; I used all the neck muscles I had to keep the tears from falling, I turned to Dad to prepare him, "Ammon's here."  As I turned over to tell Dad that Ammon was there, I could see Pete, Mel & Vince through the glass hall separating us. They were walking along side us.

To embrace my siblings at the end of the flight was so painful.  To watch Dad and hear as he apologized to my siblings "I'm sorry I couldn't bring her home."  As I went down the line hugging each of my siblings, I noticed onlookers realizing what was going on as their smiles turned to heart ache for us. One lady grabbed the arm of the man beside her and put her forehead on his shoulder as if she understood the pain we were going through.

We picked up the bags and the ride back to Vince's was full of Dad explaining again everything that had happened just 27  hours earlier.  How he stood alone outside the accident cite as they tried to cut Mom out of the car.  Someone gave him a jacket, someone else gave him a blanket. 

We arrived at Vince's and Dad finished the story as we sat in the car in the garage.  We all then walked into Vince's house to find the rest of the family there.  I must not have been paying attention to the cars out front, I didn't expect to see everyone.  I thought it was just going to be us. Everyone was there.  We all hugged and cried and blew our noses...once we got settled in, Dad talked some more while they all gathered around.  I sat back from everyone just taking it all in.  I was already pretty emotionally spent after getting to Vegas and running around getting things taken care of there. I snapped this photo.

Pete gave dad a blessing.  It spoke of understanding the atonement and the Plan of Salvation. It was touching.

A phone call

I was asleep, which is unusual for 10:30pm, but I was so exhausted, my parents had been visiting me the last 3 weeks, and left me with a lot of extra work - you know - when parents come to visit, your house always has to be clean and dishes always done, children on their best behavior.  Who knew that would be so much work?

Well, they left about 11:00am.  I stood at the garage door after I gave them each two hugs.  For some reason I got a little misty eyed.  My dad had to come back in and look at a map, so I quickly wiped away the tears.  No need to let them know I was a sentimental sap.  I watched them drive away again while I was standing in the door to the garage.

I went into the guest room and cleaned it up - changed the sheets, vacuumed the room - took a deep breath and was finally glad they were gone.  Not that I didn't want them around, it's just a lot of upkeep having guests.

My mom butt-dialed me about an hour after they left - they were at sams club trying to get gas, I think they were trying to talk a member into using their card so they could pump the gas.  I listened for a few minutes and laughed about it and hung up.  I wondered why they were still in Phoenix and getting gas.  I guess the construction on the way out was less than cooperative.

My dad missed his turn from the 303 to Grand - They called and had to turn around - and then let me know they were on the right road and headed toward Vegas.

Meanwhile to help them get out the door on time, I offered to finish sewing a skirt that mom started making for Coby.  She made me promise to text her a photo.  This is what I sent her:

 She responded saying something about how shy Coby was, and sent me this photo of her & dad.

Mom called again all worried from Vegas, they wanted to know how far away the next nearest city for gas was.  I told them Alamo was 90 miles away.  They decided they needed to turn back toward Vegas to get gas just to be safe.  Then mom told me about their dinner - they had a nice sit-down meal and dad talked about the Phoenix Aquarium the entire time.  She couldn't find her prescriptions and wanted to know where I put them - I assured her I packed everything in her room - and that it was somewhere in the car...Then she started crying about something which was making me uncomfortable, so I excused myself to be with my family during dinner.

After dinner, I grabbed the bedding and towels from the guest room to put them in the washer, I heard my mom's bag of prescription & other supplements rattle around.  I sent her a text "I found your pill bag wrapped in the sheets in the dirty clothes, tell me if you want me to fed ex them to you, I can get them out tomorrow"  She didn't respond.

I sent them another text at 9:20 telling them I was going to bed, but I wanted them to call me when they got home so I knew they were home safe.  Then I fell asleep.

At 10:30pm I got a phone call.  I was awakened from a solid sleep, which is very unusual.  It was my dad.  He said that he & mom were in a little fender bender outside of Vegas and asked if I could come and pick them up.  But to go back to sleep and get them in the morning.  I told him there was NO WAY I could go back to sleep and leave them stranded in that nasty city!  I was going to put some shoes on and be right there.

I asked him why he was still in Vegas so late.  He said it took a few hours to find my phone number, that his phone was destroyed.  That he had to get my phone number from Ammon.  I asked him how they were.  He said he was fine, not a scratch.  I asked how mom was, he said "we're fine, don't worry about us," and to just come tomorrow after I wake up.  Again I told him there was no way I was going back to sleep I'd be right there!

Ross got up with me and we slipped some shoes on and woke up Kiersten and told her to stay home from school tomorrow to babysit Coby; that Grandma & Grandpa were in an accident and we had to go get them.  She was excited to miss school.

We went to QT to fill up and get going.  While there, I sent Ammon a text asking him if Dad told him about the accident.  He didn't know too much about it - but then after a few texts back and forth, I told him I was going to Vegas to pick them up, it occurred to us, (Crysty was talking in the background) that Mom has my phone number memorized, and also, I didn't her her rambling in the background.  She normally would be interrupting Dad giving him some kind of instructions.  I told them (Ammon & Crysty) I would sneak in a call to the hospital and get a status update on them and use the excuse of letting them know I was on my way and to expect me in 4 or so hours.

I called the number Dad gave me.  Someone answered the phone, I couldn't hear what he said, so I asked "Is this the hospital" he said "Yes" I said "My mom and dad came in there earlier tonight..." he interrupted me, "Peter?" I was a little shocked that he knew my dad's name, but maybe they were the only accident that night - or the only couple there, or I got a number directly to the nurses desk where they were..."Yes, that's my dad" then the guy who answered the phone said, "He's in talking to the coroner, I'll get him." He put me on hold.

I can't even begin to tell you how fast my brain started to turn.  I heard the word "Coroner" and knew instantly - everything that Dad had said over the phone so calmly was to protect my emotions while on the road to get him.  I yelled "NO, No, STOP, wait, don't tell him!!!!" I didn't want Dad to know that I had heard already.  I didn't want him to worry about me while I was on my way to go be with him.

My husband stopped the car in the middle of the road.  I was hyperventalating, trying to calm down so when my dad got on the phone I could pretend that I didn't know.  I heard his voice.  I heard the pain and tears and exhaustion in his voice, "Hello, Heidi?" He had to have known that the guy who answered the phone made a mistake in what he had said..."Daddy?" My voice cracked, I couldn't speak in a clear voice, "the guy told me...it's too late, you're talking to the coroner?!" I was gasping for air, I didn't even recognize my own voice from the pain that was coming through in it,  "what happened?" 

"I'm sorry, I couldn't bring her home..." His voice was now full of anguish, "What do you want to know?"
"Were you speeding? Why do you drive so fast?"
"NO!  I was NOT speeding, I was not doing ANYTHING wrong..."

If it's even possible to feel relief, that sentence comforted me.  I'm so glad he was following the laws.  He even had his seat belt on.  I can't imagine the pain he'd have to live with if he had made that gross error in judgment.

He then explained to me they had just gone up a hill and a guy was coming from the other direction passing a series of trucks.  Dad pulled to the right to get out of the lane that the oncoming car was in, and the oncoming car also pulled over to that shoulder in order to give my father the right of way.  It was a head-on collision. It took out the passenger side of the vehicle.  Where my mom was sitting.  My father's side was left completely untouched.

He had no idea she was injured because his injuries were so minor.  He tried to start the car to move it out of the middle of the road.  It didn't start.  He looked at my mom and saw that she was breathing, and stepped out of the car to see how the other driver was doing.  He took two steps and decided he didn't care how the other driver was, he wanted to make sure mom was okay.  That's when he noticed her breathing was not in regular intervals.

Of course, this is where I have to call Ammon & Crysty back to let them know what I had heard on my mom's condition in the hospital.  I understood why my dad wanted me to sleep one more night.  So I put on my calm voice and called Ammon and told him "I just talked to dad, mom's resting, we'll call you in the morning."

This is where I say the rest is history.  Of course, he has shared details of giving her CPR, them cutting her out of the car, and pulling her into the ambulance.  I am not sure how many details I want to put on my blog.  I just wanted to record what happened that night - I feel like I'll never forget, but even now, a month later, I'm reliving the same conversation and emotions I had on the night of January 16th.

We got to the hospital in Vegas, I picked up dad and we went to a hotel.  Of course, we all tried to sleep, but that wasn't coming too easily.  I watched as Ross and my dad's breathing evened out and it looked like they got a few hours of sleep - I heard their heavy breathing and I got a text at 6:00 from Karli asking if everyone was okay.  I responded that we're in the hotel room and sleeping and I'd talk to her when we got up for the day. I ignored phone calls, and finally when my dad got up, we started making the phone calls.

We started with Pete.  Dad asked what he was doing, and tried to make small talk, then he pushed these words out of his mouth as calmly as he could "I'm sorry to say that today, your mother is flying with the angels" of course, when he got to the word "flying" he had to try harder to push the words out of his mouth, he handed the phone and took a few steps back and cried into a tissue, I had to tell my brother the rest of the story and filled in the blanks.

We called Ammon, Vince & Melody...each time Dad could barely finish the sentence "Today your mother flies with the angels." And handed me the phone to explain what that sentence meant.

It didn't get any easier as we called her sister and his sisters and his mother.  Every time dad handed the phone to me after he said his sentence "I'm sorry to tell you this, but today, Floss is flying with the angels." That sentence never got any easier.

After we made the phone calls, we then went to collect items from the car.  Just 6 inches further over.  Just one more mile an hour slower, just one more bite of dinner...if the waiter at dinner had been a few seconds slower to bring them the ticket, if they had ordered a dessert; any of that could have prevented this so perfectly timed accident that ripped my mother out of my life.

I've heard people say before that "you're in my prayers" and I've heard people say before "I feel your prayers" well, I tell you, now I understand what that means.

In the coming days, I'll share with you some special experiences I've had - and while I've definitely felt the comforter envelop me in his love, it's so hard to imagine life without my mom. I want to relive the last 3 weeks she spent at my house. I want to joke with her more, make her laugh one more time, hear her say again what a fabulous mother she thinks I am (all while I snicker behind her back because I know better!) even to hear her voice one last time.  Who thought to take the time to write all her recipes? This is something we do when mom's sitting in her wheelchair at the old-folks home.

I don't ever want to be to a point where I say "my mom's been dead for 5 years now."  I don't want time to move.  I want to keep her in my mind where she was just a few weeks ago in my house.  I don't want to forget the love I feel for her, I don't want time to heal me, I want to remember her and always miss her.  People say it gets better with time, I don't want time to change. I  want it all to be how it was. When she was fussing around my house at 2 in the morning keeping me awake doing laundry in my bath tub.

Board of Review

He's been planning this since he was 14 - but tonight - 3 months before his 18th birthday, he FINALLY gets it!  I'm proud of him because HE did it, we didn't do it!  He found names, HE made calls, the only thing we did was ask how it was coming along and what he was doing next...and then "did you do it?" and of course, we helped volunteer on the project, but from what I've seen/heard from friends & others, mostly the parents look up a project, they're the contact, they look up phone numbers, and dial the phone for their sons, they write the script of what to say when their sons are on the phone with various people, but my baby boy, he did it ALL.  Glad it's over...now 3 years before the next one will be ready - then 3 more years before he decides he'll think about doing it - and then, just before his birthday, he'll finish it, too! :D - hopefully not, but I'm glad to say Rossi did it himself!  *THAT* is initiative and *THAT* is leadership :D

Halloween time

Kiersten painting a flower on her baby sister!

Kali is dressed like the girl from "Tron" she was in white w/ white hair, but the pictures didn't show both her glowy lights and her whites w/ awesome boots!

fake eyelashes with sparklies on them

5 of the 6 Howie's the Joker from Batman

Ross had to wear a skirt because his legs were still pretty smooth from shaving them for his swim meet.  I thought he should take this opporunity to show them off. It's pretty manly to shave yourself for a swim meet, but it's not cool talking about it after the swim season is over.  At least it's not a tattoo.

A great backdrop at the ward party!

Butterfly Binnie

New York Trip

I tagged along on a business trip of Ross's to New York.  It was a due diligence meeting and they put him up in the Waldorf Astoria.  So of course, I had to go! I know these pictures are out of order, so bare with me while I jump around on the timeline, but just describe the pictures as they come up!  Here is a picture of (front row) Uncle Jimmy, me, Aunt Vera, Aunt Betty, her daughter Joyce Ann and in the back row, my brother Pete and John, Betty's youngest son.

We took a train to NJ and Uncle Jimmy picked us up, took us to a quaint eatery in a strip mall and then on to Aunt Betty's where we looked at her walls of pictures and spend time reminiscing with her!  She's such a sweet lady!  I loved spending time with Uncle Jimmy, he reminds me so much of my late grandpa, same phrases, same voice, and just sweet as could be.

 Ross also took me to see WICKED on Broadway! It was a fantastic show.  We bought the sound track and some other photo books.  This picture was taken from just to the right of our seats, which were fantastic!

After "Wicked" we took a stroll around Time Square.  WOW!  What a night life!  The weather was fantastic, the atmosphere indescribable!

We also went to the Statue of Liberty & Ellis Island.  Weeks before our trip, Ross went on line and bought us tickets so we could go up INTO the statue.  Which was a fun experience!

On Ellis Island, we found the wall of immigrants, below are pictures of both of my great grandfather's names.  This is my Grandpa Covino's dad, and below him you'll find my Grandma Covino's father, Vincenzo Marinucci's name.  What FUN to find these names!

This is a fun picture in Little Italy just before dinner.

We asked a local gelato salesman where the best place to eat was.

he told us to go to Angelo's.  I must agree. That is some of the best Italian food I've ever had!  (Excluding food in Italy, herself!)

Ross is occupying Wall Street here.

We rented bikes & went around Central Park.

 here is the Alice in Wonderland sculpture.

And "the clock" in the Waldorf where we stayed.  Apparently it's a "popular" photo spot...so we decided to be like lemmings & have our picture taken there!

And in central park, the Balto monument.

The bike

You may or may not remember this birthday present, but after a fantastic day of his very last high school meet and breaking personal records, finishing up his eagle project and having to look forward to doing NOTHING for the next few months, a day full of HIGHs in emotion...we learned that Rossi's bike was stolen.

Some people have told me "well, whoever took it must have needed it more than him."  Well, yah, I guess that's a nice thing to think about to keep you from being bitter and angry - but in all honesty, whoever stole it from him, didn't need it more than him.  What they NEED is some ethics.  What they NEED is to EARN their own bike - and I don't count learning how to pick open a lock as the right kind of education.  What they NEED is parents who taught them right and wrong.  What they need is consequences for their action.  Maybe their intents were good "I'm stealing this bike because my dad is a drunk and just left our family, my mom has cancer and lost her job and my siblings need to eat, I need a bike so I can get to work and back to get money so I can feed them..." How very proud this mother must be? She taught her children to value the old addage "what's mine is mine and what's yours is mine" wait...not sure any responsible parent would teach their child that.  What?  I'm going too hard on the mother of the bike thief?  After all the bike thief is also a child of God.  Well, so was Lucifer, and his sorry butt got kicked out.  Sometimes you need some tuff luv. 

That bike was my son's transportation to seminary, school, work...and more than anything, when he needed a break and to get out to relax in a quiet location to write in his journal, he would take that bike out for a ride...to feel the wind in his hair, to go where cars can't fit, and to find his center again.

To the bike thief....may the fleas of a thousand camels infest your arm pits.

My baby boy is in the paper again!

Here's a fun story on the community clean up project that Rossi helped prep for (it was his eagle project to prep the house for the community day!)

Last meet of the season...

It's like saying goodbye to an old friend.  Here are some great pictures of my baby boy - and a video of his fantastic run at the 100 butterfly.  (Notice how far behind he was from the guy to the right - and how he caught up with him after being under water about 1/2 of the pool distance!) You hear me at the end "Did he break a minute?" and then I saw the final time & then you'll hear some squealing...yah, that was me.  He was so pleased with himself after that race, and he should have been!  It was a fantastic race.  59:58.  His previous time was 1:02.12

Now here are some other photos of him swimming throughout the season.

 I have to look at those shoulders and think DANG! Is it just me - or can you actually see those muscle fibers?

Eagle Project

Ross's eagle project was to prepare a home to receive help from "Mormon Helping Hands."  He had to take down a dilapidated wall and replace it with siding, so his house could get a fresh coat of paint, grade the yard to prepare it to receive rocks (also for "Mormon Helping Hands") and remove his "fence" (which was a combination of iron rods, chain link and steel doors) Those came down - and a chain link fence went up. So here is the yard "before" (the level between the yard and the sidewalk was about a foot difference, the yard had to come down to be level with the retaining wall in order for the rock to stay in the yard and not spill over to the sidewalk.

here are some kids digging out the fence and bringing
the grade down.

Here is a view from the sidewalk of the modge-podge of fence...steel doors, iron and chain link between the two.











Here are some of the boys moving a steel door - they were some pretty heavy buggers!












Below is a "before" of the house - where the wood had rotted away and/or fallen off?  We took this wall down and put up the siding (which was difficult, because the 2x4s did not have consistent spacing and - if you see toward the bottom, they didn't always go from top to bottom, in one board...



below is a nice "before" of the front view of the house and yard.

 

And below me now is the "AFTER" picture, with rock in and house painted and fence put back up!