Going through the Big D...

you know that song...

Going through the big D and I don't mean Dallas,
I can't believe what the doc had to tell us,
We got the squirts and intestinal malice...
Yep, we're going through the big D and don't mean Dallas!

(music fades to background...)

So there's a little taste of what's been going on here at the homefront the last few weeks. Interestingly, we just MONDAY got the word back from the county health department that the specimen (oh please, you don't even want to know the recipe of providing that little tidbit to the county...trust me) came back with a positive for the parasite cryptosporiosis.

They call it CRYPTO mostly because it sounds like kryptonite - you know, that magical element not on our periodic table that is the only known substance to weaken and kill Superman, except, of course, Chuck Norris, but I digress...Yes, even Crypto has the ability to turn guts of steel into shards of glass.

If I didn't experience this myself, first hand, my sympathetic hindsight for the incredible amount of pain my children had been in the week before wouldn't have nearly peaked to the current level.

As the representative from County Health was on the news saying "this isn't a major illness..." the rest of what he said sort of went into a blur...clearly, he needs to come swim in my toilet water. Because as I experience it, once your intestines turn into glass and the contents thereof work the way out - either up or down - the intestines themselves invert and also fall out. Simultaneously, the stomach empties all the contents - including it's acid, it, being dried up and shrivelled much like a Styrofoam plate does as it's thrown into a fire.

Never fear, once the aforementioned takes place, you're on your way out of the sick and into the recovery phase, where the term "Texas Tea" takes on a whole new meaning.

Kidneys all but stop functioning because, well, they'd been out of work for the past 4-10 days, it's difficult to have that kind of vacation time off and expect to jump right back into the whole "functioning as a team player" role...meanwhile - oh - forgive me my couth - what? I have none...as those affected run to the toilet not sure if they're loaded or throwing out blanks - luckily at this point, they're all blanks, but they're shot out with such force the toilet flushes itself and swears oaths as it wants to cut a deal with you that it will to never again allow itself to be backed up if you promise to keep that kind of toxicity to do your part toward global warming.

But alas, as a few of us sit here with the McGurgles, we know we're on the downside and it will just get better from here.

My internal conflictor-meter is trying to determine whether or not we'll follow the recommendations & stay out of the pool for 2 weeks, or if I need my kids to have that 4 hours of wear-out swimming to keep them from fighting and asking me every 2 minutes "what are we doing today" of course we won't go swimming, I wouldn't wish this sickness on even our previous renters...okay - well MAYBE them, but definitely not...like...you know - someone I don't like - like - oh - OH YAH - that guy who totally cut me off on the freeway going 90 miles an hour and then slowed down to almost a stop right in front of me, ya, I wouldn't wish it on him, cause, well, actually, that'd be pretty funny if he got it, and then he knew it was ME who wished it on him...anyway - you get the picture.

We're feeling better.

Thanks for your well wishes and calls and thoughts - and all that stuff, especially Crysty, my co-lactator, who offered with full charity to nurse my dear sweet starving Coby as I lay incapacitated and completely dehydrated for 2 days when she wouldn't take the bottle. I know you meant well, and are too far to follow through on that, I'm just sad mom at least didn't TRY to nurse her...you never know...can't you milk anything with nipples?